I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Holy shit dude........stairs
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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