He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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