My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
