very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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