she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
