Old men and throwing up are my life now.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize