Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
