I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
