East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
