I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
