I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
