i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize