I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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