tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
