How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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