so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
