i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
