Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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