Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
