If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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