Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
