Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
