Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
