i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
