The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
