Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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