Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
