I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
