I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you inspire me to be a worse person
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
