Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
