Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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