My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
