After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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