did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
