Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
