Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize