i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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