So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I stole a fireplace last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
