i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
