have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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