Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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