I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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