you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
