there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
