cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
