tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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