I cannot find my penis.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We need to feng shui this bitch.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
