We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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