I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
