Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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