thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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