Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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