dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
