How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
