You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
