he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
