I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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