One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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