Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
