You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
