We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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