even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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