You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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