What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just want to make out with him forever
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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