dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
