I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
