I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
this hospital has no fireball
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
