So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
