Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
